'Taaruf' -PART 2-

 Mase mule2 nak g taaruf, melangkah masuk ke kedai makan tu first time ternampak Fadhil, hati aku secara spontan berbisik:

“this man is my future husband”

Ntah kenape benda tu terdetik di hati. Otomatik hati kata macam tu. As if there was a strong force that made my heart said that.

After the taaruf session ended, both of us agree to do istikharaa first before giving out the answer of whether to go on to next step together or stop rite there.

Daripada waktu taaruf sampailah lepas selesai taaruf dan pulang… my feelings were..

NOTHING.

ZERO.

EMPTY.

SPEECHLESS. – really didn’t know how to respond or how to act when Mr Im asked me my responds. Didn’t know what to say.

Eventhough I felt nothing, but it felt like sumthing was pulling me—to him.

I once asked my mom:

“kalau nak kawen kene ade rase suke ke?”

Mom:

“kene lah ade rase suke sikit.”

So lepas balik dari taaruf tu, I was in some kind of dilemma and worries. It was all because I have NOTHING for him. Absolutely NOTHING.  I thought:

I don’t even have the slightest bit of ‘like’ or feelings for him. So how am I going to marry him? What if I still have no feelings for him even after we get married? What if the feelings do not develop? How am I to live my whole life with him? Mcm mana nak layan suami tu dengan penuh kasih sayang jika xde rase sayang? Terasa berdosa jika x sayangkan dy dan berpura-pura…  Sangat takut jika xdapat sayangkan suami tu.. sangat takut jika tak memberikan hak seorang suami tu padanya (which is love).

I was confused. I then did my istikharaa and prayed to Allah a lot. I asked Allah to show me what should I do, to clear the clouds in my mind. I really didn’t  know what to think or what answer shud I give..

Alhamdulillah..praise to Allah, HE answered my prayers and showed me the way.

HE sent me the answers through a friend. I was shocked by my friend’s words, but it really clears out the clouds! When I was reading Quran, I also came to a few ayahs that showed me the way.

I thought that that might be the answer from Allah. That’s what Allah wants me to do.

Alhamduilillah… with every helps from Allah, I felt determined to make a decision and Alhamdulillah, I came to remember my intention of marriage. Mase aku tengah confuse confuse tu, aku terlupa pada NIAT asalku. Aku terlupa tujuan aku ingin berkahwin…dan aku terlupa…bahawa ..

ALLAH YANG MEMEGANG HATI-HATI KITA. DIA YANG MENENTUKAN SETIAP RASA YANG HADIR PADA HATI.

Jadi kenapa perlu risau? Jika kite bernikah kerana Allah, jika niat itu bersih keranaNYA, Allah pasti akan hadirkan cinta untuk suami isteri itu selepas berkahwin. Allah pasti akan memberikan barakahNYA pada pasangan yang bernikah kerana Allah.

HAVE FAITH IN ALLAH AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!

FAITH. Yes that was what lack in me when I want to make the decision. Faith in Allah. Keyakinan adalah keimanan. Benda tu perlu ade pada kite.

Kini. Aku dah YAKIN!

I felt confident to gave Fadhil my answer. And ape yang bestnye, aku merasa tenang dengan decision yang aku buat. Aku merasa tenang untuk menerimanya, merasa tenang untuk menjadi permaisurinya!

So I sent an SMS tu Mr Im (our perantara):

“ I did an istikharaa. Alhamdulillah, rase OK. If mr Fadhil is willing to take my hand on marriage, then I will gratefully accept his hand.”

A few days after that I received a call from Mr Im. He said that Fadhil has gave his answer and decided to take my hand!

Alhamdulillah

Aku bersujud syukur.

Dan doaku moge Allah mudahkan perjalanan ini..

Jika ia baik untukku, Allah pasti memudahkan ia buatku..

Amen.

May Allah bless you! 


 love, 
The princess